Ferret Tales

Mocha shares tasty tales with Nova. Photo Credit: Celene Hoag

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Heather’s Turkey Tale (True Story)

The brothers were notorious. Their names, Bacchus (v-hob) and Enigma (brother)….but the nickname B&E twins came out of their habit of being able to figure out any cupboard, shelf or drawer and child proof locks became a way of life, but sometimes they managed figure those out too…..hence the (B)reak & (E)nter twins.

The B&E Twins, Bacchus and Enigma. Credit: Heather Downie

One afternoon I heard them playing in the office (the extra fridge was located there at the time). They were slamming the cupboards, locking each other in them and generally making a lot of noise but knowing their limits I was letting them blow off steam while I got Thanksgiving dinner ready. At some time I noticed that things had got very quiet. Not a good thing with the boys but they’d been going at it hard and long so maybe they’d fallen asleep….or maybe not. I heard a loud crack and then a scuffling sound….then a scraping sound…silence…dooking and more scraping. Time to check.

I walked into the office to find the fridge door open and the turkey that was thawing in the fridge..gone!! I dashed down the hallway in time to see the wayward bird disappear under the bed. Yes, the brats had stolen the whole damn bird. No, it wasn’t huge but still at least a 12 to 15 lbs bird.

Other than some tooth marks on the wings and legs there was no damage on the bird and it was even still on the plate. Removed the ferrets, told them they were little shites and took the bird to the kitchen washed it and tossed it into the oven.

Zero waiting for Santa
Not a creature was stirring... (Zero)

The Night Before Christmas (Ferret Version)

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a mouse.
The ferrets were nestled all snug in their cage,
Dreaming of treats, bones, and whole prey.
With one in the hammock, and one in my lap
We all settled down for a long winter’s nap.
When out in the yard there arose such a clatter
I flew out of my bed to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew in a dash
Tripping on ferrets and a poorly placed stash.
The moonlight shone on a scene for my eyes
I could barely contain my gasp of surprise
For there in the yard, in the snow and the ice
Was a little red sleigh pulled by tiny deer-mice.
When the small furry driver jumped out of the sleigh
I was too surprised to know what to say
The driver, from whiskers to small furry paws
Could only be THE Santa Claws!
He called to his deer-mice one at a time
On Squeaker and Buttons and Jingle and Thyme!
We have treats to deliver of the furriest kind,
The night is so short, we quickly must fly!
They flew with most agile flicking of tails
Over street lights and through the tallest porch rails
The small furry driver encouraged them on
Dancing and skittering to the roof from my lawn.
With dainty small paws they landed so soft
I pulled in my head and ran to the loft
From there I could see behind our tall tree
White whiskers appear from inside the chimney!
He was dressed in all fur from his toes to his nose
The kind that only naturally grows
Over his shoulder he carried a big crinkly sack
The kind that holds feathers, balls, and knick-knacks.
His eyes how they gleamed, his fur looked so soft
His whiskers so long, his tail held aloft
His small little mouth was drawn up in a smirk
Behind which good-natured mischief did lurk.
The end of a chicken wing, he chewed in his teeth
His small scratchy tongue had licked off the meat
He had a small face and a plump furry tummy
That shook when he laughed at something secretly funny.
He dooked and he danced as he neared the tree
And I couldn’t help giggling a little with glee
A wink and a twitch of his whiskers did tell
That he still would leave presents with feathers and bells.
He made not a hiss as to the stockings he flashed
Where he filled them all up with toys to be stashed
Then silently he turned with a lick of his nose
And giving a dook up the chimney he rose!
He hopped in his sleigh and called to his team
And the tiny deer-mice took off like a dream
And into the night I heard ‘midst the scurry
Merry Christmas to all – the Skinned and the Furry!
Author: Katt Rall